So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
