clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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