The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
