I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
