my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
