i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
