dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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