dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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