Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
