I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
