This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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