He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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