well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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