My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sober January is a disaster.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
