Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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