he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
