You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
