Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
