Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
