Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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