is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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