i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Holy shit dude........stairs
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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