shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
