Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize