...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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