I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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