I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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