and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
