I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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