I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
me + whiskey = a bad person
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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