so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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