i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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