my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
