for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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