he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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