So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
