i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
