so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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