She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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