I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
