i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
there is glitter all over my balls
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