worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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