I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
