my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you had me at cake vodka
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
