i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
