Soap is not a condiment
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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