I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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