In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
