A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dicks are not precious.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
