dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
