last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
