Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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