I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
