I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize