I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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