look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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