wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So I just went to clothing optional bar
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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