Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
