The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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