Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
