just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
