I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
