I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
