i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
