You're so nebulous sometimes
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's blow job season.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
