But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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