You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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